wHaT's bEeF?

this past weekend i had an epiphany about internet beef, and how it basically sucks now.  i'd like to give you a brief internet beef history lesson to prove my point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1UY7eDRXrs

(keep in mind i started using the internet around 1997, height of AOL glory days)

AOL Chat Rooms: this is where my internet beef knowledge was born and formed. you would randomly select a chat room to enter, most of the time not from the kids only section like you promised your parents. many times it was really inappropriate and you were setting yourself up for trolling predators. either way, this is where you can unleash - basically say whatever you wanted. the left side of the screen would have the users name and you'd wait to see someone type something that you could work with and just go at them. if the beef got to be too much or you got bored, you could simply leave the room. leaving that stranger schooled. forever. they would never find you again.

E-Mail: before there was any sort of instant messaging, e-mail was the popular way to communicate. naturally instead of fighting in school, you take to a strongly worded e-mail. the beauty of this was, if you ever got 'told on' everything was documented. so it rarely happened as chances are, you both were in the wrong. you don't have to respond to an email which is awesome because the beef basically ends when you don't reply. you didn't have emails sent to your phone, so you wouldn't see a response for a few hours, maybe days. and if it did take that long to respond, it was probably deaded already. (deaded is so a word by the way)

AOL Away Messages/Profiles: this is basically the old school status. you had your friends divided into categories- giRLSsSs4E or b0y$$$ or La FamiLiAa RidE 0R diE(all perfect examples). if you saw someone online that you wanted to get a message across to but didn't have the balls to actually just tell them, you'd make an away message (probably some song lyric). the main thing to remember though, is it had to be cryptic, but not to the point where it wasn't obvious to the person it was aimed at. you could also do the ol' IM them, then immediately put on your away message so they had no choice but to fall into your away message beef. (i know i'm not  the only crazy who did this) the person would see the message, know it had to be for them and had a choice to either answer or ignore. if they chose to answer, refer to AIM below.

this rule was also applied to the black font, black background profile. you would generally write something like ' people need to close their mouths or watch their backs' in black font, then make your profile background black. the only way this message was ever seen is if someone took the time to clear the background (which we all did). the bfbb (black font black background) also took a positive spin once in a while when it was used for love purposes ' jEsSiCa <3s pHiL aAf 515<3'. 

AIM: this is where beef really started to take a life of its own.(you could even practice your beef with the IM Bots like SmarterChild!) unlike email, AIM was INSTANT. you would hear the door opening sound come from your buddy list, check who it was, and if it was your opponent - game on. the beef would be a back and forth battle, maybe caps lock was used, maybe fonts highlighted in unreadable impact, or maybe just your basic size 10 arial. either way, it was a one on one battle. whether your friends were behind you telling you what to type, you were at the helm, controlling the conversation. once you hit sent, enter or ctrl+enter, you couldn't take back what you had said. it was final. no deleting. the real winner was whoever got their point across, and signed off. the sound of that door closing from your buddy list was the sound of defeat. they basically dropped the mic on your ass. walked out of the room and said suck it.(see 5-7 seconds:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxVQ9rhjyTY)

Facebook: this is where beef goes to die. if you make a cryptic status, anyone (including your 5th cousins bff that your friends with) can comment on it, kind of taking away its power. you write "i hope you die" and your aunt writes "feel better honey". the person who the status is meant for NEVER comments, and if they do, they have an entire army ready to defend their honor. it is never a one on one, hand to hand combat anymore. this form of beef is even more instant than AIM because you probably are getting the alerts on your phone allowing you to answer whenever from wherever you are. their friends will comment and your friends will comment. points will never be made and the focus of the beef will get tossed aside for tangent conversations. there is no winner as you can indefinitely post on someones status and they can delete whatever comments they have made.

i miss the old internet beef. where words were final and conversations actually had an end point. no one brought up the same topic from an instant message 2 days later - but today, someone will comment on a status from a week ago. i guess what im trying to say is , if you'd like to beef with me on the internet, try to IM me (even though i cant remember the last time i signed onto aim) or at the very least write me an e-mail. damn.