how rude!

in the notorious words of stephanie tanner, HOW RUDE! flash back to 1:03PM, i walk across the street to Pret-A-Manger, (which i always thought was Pret-A-Manager) to buy an undoubtedly overpriced lunch. ive never ventured into this store before, and after today, probably never will again (this specific location, probably will stumble into a Pret-A-Manger once again in my life).

let me set the scene: a dreary tuesday, raining, cold, 1 day between me and a four day weekend. 

act 1: i forgot to pack lunch so i need something quick. i walk into a crowded glorified deli, spend a good 10 minutes looking over people's shoulders to decide which sandwich i want. i decide on turkey with pesto, which i know wont be super satisfying, but it will do. then i wander over to the soups. butternut squash apple, sold. next a can of diet coke (i know its horrible for you, still not sure why, but whatever, i felt like a carbonated drink today)

act 2: standing on line with one person in front of me, just staring at the food display. it's my turn to pay and this is the conversation that transpired...

pret-a-manger prick: are you sick?
me: no but thats really insulting, because im not sick, but youre telling me i look sick
pret-a-manger prick: no, its just you walked in here all mopey (and to add insult to injury he proceeds to mimic what he thinks my face looks like)
me: (no words for what feels like 10 minutes) im at work and its raining, doesnt really warrant a smile
in an alternate universe where i say what's really on my mind: am i sick? fuck you! do you realize how rude of a question that is? when someone is sick they are generally a lesser version of them self, so are you asking me if i am a lesser version of myself today? no, i am not sick. are you sick? you must be, for asking me that question. or maybe you're socially inept? yes, yes that must be it. ring up my lunch asshole. how are you interacting with customers right now? you shouldn't be. get me a manager.
pret-a-manger: (as  he hands me my card back)have a wonderful day and a pleasant thanksgiving!
me: (i just give him my best 'sick' face glare and proceed out the door)

this sort of conversation should never happen! first of all, i'm wearing make up today so im not even pale looking. second of all, you're just a cashier, even if i was sick, what is it your business? i should have responded, yes i have small pox, is my $30 sandwich free now? 

it is no ones business to tell me to smile more, ask me if im sick, or assume im in a bad mood because i dont sit behind my desk or walk into a store with a fucking smile from ear to ear. if i walked into a store and was gleaming from ear to ear whistling dixie, then, and only then can you assume im sick. call the psych ward asap.

nostalgia

i always find it strange when i know im experiencing nostalgia. its strange because these memories are so fresh, i would swear they happened yesterday. whereas some things, such as where i left a necklace yesterday, is lost on me forever.

christmas is fast approaching and while kids (yea kids, aged anywhere from 6-13) in 2013 are going to be receiving (motherfucking) iphones/ipods/imacs/ipads, the images below are what my childhood looked like. and seeing these images bring me back to such a specific time/feeling.

polly pocket in all her pocket glory. particularly the castle in the bottom left, 

ah hours of fun, on a toy that didnt make a sound.

this was mighty max, the boys answer to polly pocket. granted this was my brothers, i would take it and use it as part of my castle set. hello! mighty max was obviously the prince and had to escape the belly of this giant snake and defeat this scorpion.

this nondescript little tikes chair wasn't really a toy, but it does remind me of being a kid. 

playing school, or standing on it and inevitably falling off and clipping your chin on the way down.

my little pony. i remember having this very one, with the freckles.  i always made her be the 'shy' pony. i dont know why, but she looks shy. and they always had a specific smell to them. 

was that intentional?

again not toys, but childhood is written all over these. my mom still has these in the linen closet.

this mother fucking castle was the bees knees. again this was my brothers toy, 

but god damn if i didnt play the shit out of this castle. hit the red button and the giant boulder comes shooting out! open the gate and the prisoner slides down! check out the black spiked catapult!

WHATTTTT - no better toy. ever.

lastly, my barbie house, which wasnt really a barbie house at all. it was intended for use with this creepy ass bear family. but i made it into the ultimate barbie dream mega mansion. the door was big enough for a 4 & 5 year old to fit through sideways. trust me, me and my brother use to squeeze through.

anywho - if you have a kid or need to buy a kid a present this year (its never to early to start buying - 34 days yall) remember that an electronic does not smell a specific way, it will not transport you to a specific memory, as they will all look the same. i understand that 'times have changed' but kids dont know that until you tell them. let a childhood look like a childhood for fucks sake.

get these mothaf*ckin lists, off my mothaf*ckin page

let me start of by saying, i love Buzzfeed. it is my go-to way to pass time at work or on the bus. i genuinely enjoy reading the different lists and articles that are on there. but lately, there has been a trend going on on my news feed that irks me to no end. (not all of them are from Buzzfeed btdubs) lists telling me what i MUST do before a certain time, age, or life milestone. these lists annoy me.

the trip list:  http://www.buzzfeed.com/henrygoldman/10-trips-you-need-to-take-in-your-20s the title of this video is "10 trips i NEED to take in my 20s" how dare you henry goldman (Buzzfeed Video Producer extraordinaire) tell me what i NEED to do in my 20s. and then make me feel really bad for not taking any of these trips.

the woman list:  http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/10-things-women-25 hey cosmo, #1 i don't think anyone knows what the fuck a clarisonic is, 25 or not. also, don't tell me to stop judging. i'm 26 and judging is natural. im judging you right now cosmo. deal with it.

the baby list, my 'favorite' type of list circulating right now (maybe because i am closest to relating to this one):  http://ideas.thenest.com/love-and-sex-advice/dealing-with-relationship-issues/slideshows/15-to-dos-before-baby.aspx?MsdVisit=1this is the MOST depressing list. if you are pregnant, do not read it, you'll resent your unborn babes. all of these, to me, are ridiculous. it makes it seem that life literally ends after you have a kid. you are bound to your house, never to be seen again. (that is if according to this list you have purchased a house before your first kid, if not PANIC, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!) #8 have crazy, carefree sex - because after you have a baby your vagina is no good around these parts. #25 perform a random act of kindness - because once you have a baby, your kindness bone goes out with the placenta.

i get that these are meant to be helpful (right?) but they seem to actually add an extreme amount of anxiety (as if there wasn't enough). did i take enough trips before i turned 30? i can't have a baby in this apartment, can i? and why do i need a toothbrush type device to wash my face (that's what a clarisonic is described as)?

allow me to give you the only list you'll ever need, at any age. (according to me, and i am right. right? right.)

1) be polite and show respect

2) do what makes you happy, whatever it is, at any point in your life

3) you will never be 1000% ready for marriage, a baby, buying a house, graduating college, moving to a new state etc. (no real advice here, just you'll never be ready, no one is, so dont stress)

http://prollytrue.blogspot.com/2013/11/get-these-mothafckin-lists-off-my.html

allow me to re-introduce myself ...

posting a status (stati?) on Facebook has become second nature. good, bad, ugly, or great - it's posted for the world to see. and if it's offensive, funny, witty, beautiful, inspiring - it's never intentional. i just write what i see, hear, or feel. i'm glad so many people can relate to my posts and enjoy them. 

it's been suggested to me numerous times that i start a blog. writing whatever comes to my mind - a longer status, about various topics. at first i told myself i was too busy (not even remotely true), then i thought what if no one reads it (who cares really, what if no one reads my status, it doesn't stop me from posting it), then i thought what if i wrote a blog and people loved it,because i'm brilliant. i decided to stick with this last thought and give it a shot. so here we are on a Thursday, with a headache border lining on a migraine, writing my first blog entry.

for those of you who are friends and family that have enjoyed my Facebook and real life (yes life beyond the book) conversations and quips, welcome! for those of you who are just curious about what jessica bianco, now verdi, is doing with her life since we last crossed paths, welcome to you too! and for those of you who will never comment on a post, and only view this in secret, i'd like to welcome you too, you unsung creepers motivate me most.

this blog will not be politically or grammatically correct (not because i want to be offensive or cruel), but being those things on the internet is a waste of time. sort of like trying to get a celebrity to re-tweet you, which i've done (stooping as low as kathy griffin, but i'll explain that another time). my point is, if you comment on something i've misspelled, or a comma i forgot to put in, or point out the fact that i say midget instead of little people - get the fuck off my blog.