how dare!

this post is dedicated to the spineless, heartless, dick less, soulless, asshole that stole my phone in the staten island mall. i decided to break it into some bullet points demonstrating how you too can have the most stressful two days ever!

• start off saying the day before you need to back up your iPhone, you are then guaranteed to lose it the next day.
• find a room in AC for only $29 (it was showboat, not some seedy off the boardwalk one) and decide you need a well deserved break. hey it's only $29, how can one resist!
• stop at the staten island mall on the way to the AC to look at some living room sets. next, leave the store to think about your purchase, go use that KASE gift you were given. (in case you don't know, KASE personalizes phone cases with your own photos. way to many cases' in this sentence.)
• eat at the food court while waiting for your case to be made, a lovely photo of you and your husband.
• get your phone, and fall instantly in love with the adorable photo. (this next step is crucial when you want to lose/have your phone stolen)
• go to the restroom. place your phone on top of the toilet paper dispenser and LEAVE THE REST ROOM.
• proceed to the crepe stand and notice that your phone is missing (dont worry, it only takes 45 seconds for someone to steal and shut off your phone)
• run back to said bathroom and notice that your phone is gone. run into the security office a mere 10 feet from the bathroom and hear the inevitable news that no one turns in iPhone's  even when they have personalized cases. (exhibit A) or when they see your fucking wedding photo as the lock screen (exhibit B)

  

  exhibit A

  
  

  

  exhibit B

at this point i know that my phone is stolen and i will never get it back. whomever took it was a professional. they turned that phone off faster than i was able to say banana nutella crepe. im not saying it was 100% stolen, i did leave it in the bathroom, but then someone saw my smiling face and took my phone without hesitation. they could've left the fucking case and taken the phone! and let's be honest, its 2014 - who doesn't have a smartphone of some kind at this point? what did the only woman left on the planet with a samsung flip phone enter the stall after me and hit the jackpot? these next few steps must be followed in order to really ensure your blood pressure sky rockets.

• after you are behind schedule to head to AC by 3 hours, go back to the furniture store. the two living room sets you were contemplating between, ball out of control - get the more expensive one. hell, open a new macy's card!
• hit the road for AC, don't gamble (seriously, we didnt), and get drunk.
• head home the next day, and begin the most enjoyable task of calling verizon.
• have them tell you that you don't have insurance, and that if you use your upgrade you lose your unlimited data. 
• ask them what the incentive is to stay with them when other companies offer unlimited? (don't expect an answer, they don't have one)
• realize your only option is to buy an iPhone straight up and then have verizon connect it for you. (you must spend at least 2 hours on the phone with verizon, screaming and bursting veins though) once you are about to have heart failure, your mom offers to pay for the phone as an early birthday gift. (that last part is crucial to your survival)
• the closest apple store? staten island. back into the belly of the beast you go.
• head to the apple store (in your moms car, who you dropped off and you forgot to take the key from. so now one person has to be in the car at all times, because if you shut the car off, it will not start up again.)
• after a few back and forths between your husband and you going into the apple store, getting a new case, and some more arguing with verizon, (everyone who works at apple in staten island has no idea what they're doing and will give 100% wrong information) you will find yourself with a new iPhone 5c in green.

so a weekend that started with a feeling of saving money because we found a room for only $29, ended up being one of the most expensive weekends we've had, ever. there is no lesson here. verizon, apple, staten island - they all suck. and to whoever has my phone (that is useless to you) i hope my face burns a hole into your brain and you wake up nightly from nightmares. you just took over 1,500 photos of mine, numbers, calendar dates, my jay-z videos, and my phone. MY phone. you're the biggest asshole of them all.

no business like snow business

*when i told a friend of mine i was preparing to blog about this topic, she asked me if i was prepared to take the risk of writing, knowing i have teacher friends. hope this answers that.

as i sit here, in the comforts of my home, working, browsing facebook, i can't help but laugh at the status' that flood my news feed. there are many times a status is posted from a specific professional, and i swallow what i'd really like to say, but today it's earned a piece of my mind.

let me first start by saying this, there are other jobs in the world aside from being a teacher or working for the DOE. (shocker!) actually wait, what i really want to say first is, if you are a teacher (because i do know many) and you are going to get offended, sorry i guess.

think back to when you were a kid, lets say elementary school, and it snowed. what a glorious fucking event. maybe school wasnt closed but your parents let you stay home anyway or maybe you went to school and just played board games all day.

think back to, lets say, high school. a snow day was your call. you either went in or you didnt. (basically that was every day in high school though) or college, did your campus close? classes canceled? rolled over and just said fuck it? your call, you're an 'adult' now after all.

think back to this morning, when you woke up and saw close to a foot of snow outside. in your adult mind, if you truly felt it was dangerous to go to work, why did you? dont you have sick days, personal days, or fuck off days? im pretty sure if you called your devilish principal, (similar to how i called my boss) and said "conditions are dangerous today, im staying home", there would be no firing squad. yes i know not everyone has the luxury or flexibility with their job that they can work from home, and i am grateful that i do have that luxury. and yes maybe you'd have to take a day without pay, but isnt that better than risking your life (as some people have put it, that their commute was risking their life!). and guess what, if you called out, the world would not stop and the school would not crumble. if enough teachers called out and not enough subs showed, they'd throw on a movie and put all the kids in the auditorium. you will not lose your job, over one good call that you're making, regarding your safety. and if you were ever challenged on it, isn't there a union? ( cue rolling of eyes from teachers about how terrible the teachers union is and how it doesnt offer the help it should) 

this also applies to parents too by the way. if you are a stay at home parent, or can work from home, or have taken off, why complain about sending your kids to school? just keep them home. just because the man says school is open, doesn't mean you have to send them. thats the beauty of being a parent, you can make that judgement call!  and trust me, a few snow days will not stop them from getting into Harvard (that weekend trip to miami you let them take to an edc concert will ... i digress). 

i respect teachers. hell i wanted to be one for the longest time, but come on. if you really felt that strongly about the conditions and schools being open, then stay the fuck home! no one has a gun to your head or has threatened to fire you if you do not show up (and if they have, speak up!). there is no need to wake up, realize your commute is dangerous, proceed anyway, and then want anyone to feel bad for you for making the decision to go into work. kudos to everyone who had to go to work today. kudos to everyone who made a judgement call that it was too dangerous and stayed home. 

also, let's not forget that in 4 months, you'll have that sweet, sweet summer break. (and to any teachers reading this that are brushing this off as 'jealousy' of your job or me just being a bitch, maybe you're right, about both.) but its mostly just because your complaints about the horrible system and snow days and the mayor and common core and whatever else, are insanely annoying.

thanks Ryan, i will.

sochi, soNO

i can not support nbc's decision to air the olympics. i can not support the olympic committee who decided that sochi would be an ideal place for the olympics, when the olympics "bring the world together". (nbc, you should be embarrassed that this is a tagline on your commercial for these games)
i feel horrible for homosexual (there are 6 openly gay athletes competing this year), heterosexual, bisexual, ALL athletes in this years olympics. ALL of them have to go to a country, where security is a very present concern. where we dont know if "russia will have sufficient security to host the upcoming winter olympics in sochi given an unwillingness to fully work with other countries, and particularly the U.S., as they prepare for the games" (thanks cbs for this info). an UNWILLINGNESS? i'm pretty sure sochi needs to host the olympics, more than the olympics needed to take place in sochi.

the fact that some athletes, whom are openly gay, had to tell their families to stay home, that it would be safer; locked down my decision to not watch. an athlete works their entire fucking life to compete at an olympian level. and then because they like to kiss or love or spend their life with someone of the same sex, they need to tell their families to stay home! watch my dream come true from a television, don't partake in this life changing moment with me, its fine (NOT). and then said family has to sit home, with a knot in their stomach, praying to god that their loved one returns home safe. (at least physically safe, im sure anyone partaking in the sochi olympics, whether gay or not, will leave these games with some sort of emotional scar.)

it was rumored that some countries were going to carry out gay pride flags during the opening ceremonies. i seriously hope they do, but then again i hope they dont. i hope they do so it will serve as a big FUCK YOU to putin. but i hope they dont, in fear that something awful and unnecessary will happen. even if they dont carry the flags, im sure the mens figure skating will be enough to make putin squirm in his egotistical, small minded, shit for brains, chair.

what i can support is european union commissioner viviane reding in her boycott of the games. i can support german president joachim gauck and french president francois hollande and their decision to not attend the games (although not an official boycott, its a stand). i can definitely support our president, barack obama and his decision to not attend either (he also named billie jean king, an openly gay former athlete, as the white house delegate for the olympics, a little added gem).

i wish nothing but luck and love for any athlete competing in this years olympics (unless you are an asshole and completely agree with putin and his policies or the fact that sochi was killing dogs to make room for the olympics or the fact that the climate there isnt really sufficient for snow, so we had a legitimate excuse NOT to host there, or that theyre putting reporters into appalling living conditions--is that enough?!). i understand how for some of the athletes the decision to boycott may have been a thought, but you deserve to compete. this is your life, the decisions of the country you have to compete in, are not yours. just be safe, win/lose, and get the fuck out of russia.

http://prollytrue.blogspot.com/2014/02/sochi-sono.html