how dare!

this post is dedicated to the spineless, heartless, dick less, soulless, asshole that stole my phone in the staten island mall. i decided to break it into some bullet points demonstrating how you too can have the most stressful two days ever!

• start off saying the day before you need to back up your iPhone, you are then guaranteed to lose it the next day.
• find a room in AC for only $29 (it was showboat, not some seedy off the boardwalk one) and decide you need a well deserved break. hey it's only $29, how can one resist!
• stop at the staten island mall on the way to the AC to look at some living room sets. next, leave the store to think about your purchase, go use that KASE gift you were given. (in case you don't know, KASE personalizes phone cases with your own photos. way to many cases' in this sentence.)
• eat at the food court while waiting for your case to be made, a lovely photo of you and your husband.
• get your phone, and fall instantly in love with the adorable photo. (this next step is crucial when you want to lose/have your phone stolen)
• go to the restroom. place your phone on top of the toilet paper dispenser and LEAVE THE REST ROOM.
• proceed to the crepe stand and notice that your phone is missing (dont worry, it only takes 45 seconds for someone to steal and shut off your phone)
• run back to said bathroom and notice that your phone is gone. run into the security office a mere 10 feet from the bathroom and hear the inevitable news that no one turns in iPhone's  even when they have personalized cases. (exhibit A) or when they see your fucking wedding photo as the lock screen (exhibit B)

  

  exhibit A

  
  

  

  exhibit B

at this point i know that my phone is stolen and i will never get it back. whomever took it was a professional. they turned that phone off faster than i was able to say banana nutella crepe. im not saying it was 100% stolen, i did leave it in the bathroom, but then someone saw my smiling face and took my phone without hesitation. they could've left the fucking case and taken the phone! and let's be honest, its 2014 - who doesn't have a smartphone of some kind at this point? what did the only woman left on the planet with a samsung flip phone enter the stall after me and hit the jackpot? these next few steps must be followed in order to really ensure your blood pressure sky rockets.

• after you are behind schedule to head to AC by 3 hours, go back to the furniture store. the two living room sets you were contemplating between, ball out of control - get the more expensive one. hell, open a new macy's card!
• hit the road for AC, don't gamble (seriously, we didnt), and get drunk.
• head home the next day, and begin the most enjoyable task of calling verizon.
• have them tell you that you don't have insurance, and that if you use your upgrade you lose your unlimited data. 
• ask them what the incentive is to stay with them when other companies offer unlimited? (don't expect an answer, they don't have one)
• realize your only option is to buy an iPhone straight up and then have verizon connect it for you. (you must spend at least 2 hours on the phone with verizon, screaming and bursting veins though) once you are about to have heart failure, your mom offers to pay for the phone as an early birthday gift. (that last part is crucial to your survival)
• the closest apple store? staten island. back into the belly of the beast you go.
• head to the apple store (in your moms car, who you dropped off and you forgot to take the key from. so now one person has to be in the car at all times, because if you shut the car off, it will not start up again.)
• after a few back and forths between your husband and you going into the apple store, getting a new case, and some more arguing with verizon, (everyone who works at apple in staten island has no idea what they're doing and will give 100% wrong information) you will find yourself with a new iPhone 5c in green.

so a weekend that started with a feeling of saving money because we found a room for only $29, ended up being one of the most expensive weekends we've had, ever. there is no lesson here. verizon, apple, staten island - they all suck. and to whoever has my phone (that is useless to you) i hope my face burns a hole into your brain and you wake up nightly from nightmares. you just took over 1,500 photos of mine, numbers, calendar dates, my jay-z videos, and my phone. MY phone. you're the biggest asshole of them all.

no business like snow business

*when i told a friend of mine i was preparing to blog about this topic, she asked me if i was prepared to take the risk of writing, knowing i have teacher friends. hope this answers that.

as i sit here, in the comforts of my home, working, browsing facebook, i can't help but laugh at the status' that flood my news feed. there are many times a status is posted from a specific professional, and i swallow what i'd really like to say, but today it's earned a piece of my mind.

let me first start by saying this, there are other jobs in the world aside from being a teacher or working for the DOE. (shocker!) actually wait, what i really want to say first is, if you are a teacher (because i do know many) and you are going to get offended, sorry i guess.

think back to when you were a kid, lets say elementary school, and it snowed. what a glorious fucking event. maybe school wasnt closed but your parents let you stay home anyway or maybe you went to school and just played board games all day.

think back to, lets say, high school. a snow day was your call. you either went in or you didnt. (basically that was every day in high school though) or college, did your campus close? classes canceled? rolled over and just said fuck it? your call, you're an 'adult' now after all.

think back to this morning, when you woke up and saw close to a foot of snow outside. in your adult mind, if you truly felt it was dangerous to go to work, why did you? dont you have sick days, personal days, or fuck off days? im pretty sure if you called your devilish principal, (similar to how i called my boss) and said "conditions are dangerous today, im staying home", there would be no firing squad. yes i know not everyone has the luxury or flexibility with their job that they can work from home, and i am grateful that i do have that luxury. and yes maybe you'd have to take a day without pay, but isnt that better than risking your life (as some people have put it, that their commute was risking their life!). and guess what, if you called out, the world would not stop and the school would not crumble. if enough teachers called out and not enough subs showed, they'd throw on a movie and put all the kids in the auditorium. you will not lose your job, over one good call that you're making, regarding your safety. and if you were ever challenged on it, isn't there a union? ( cue rolling of eyes from teachers about how terrible the teachers union is and how it doesnt offer the help it should) 

this also applies to parents too by the way. if you are a stay at home parent, or can work from home, or have taken off, why complain about sending your kids to school? just keep them home. just because the man says school is open, doesn't mean you have to send them. thats the beauty of being a parent, you can make that judgement call!  and trust me, a few snow days will not stop them from getting into Harvard (that weekend trip to miami you let them take to an edc concert will ... i digress). 

i respect teachers. hell i wanted to be one for the longest time, but come on. if you really felt that strongly about the conditions and schools being open, then stay the fuck home! no one has a gun to your head or has threatened to fire you if you do not show up (and if they have, speak up!). there is no need to wake up, realize your commute is dangerous, proceed anyway, and then want anyone to feel bad for you for making the decision to go into work. kudos to everyone who had to go to work today. kudos to everyone who made a judgement call that it was too dangerous and stayed home. 

also, let's not forget that in 4 months, you'll have that sweet, sweet summer break. (and to any teachers reading this that are brushing this off as 'jealousy' of your job or me just being a bitch, maybe you're right, about both.) but its mostly just because your complaints about the horrible system and snow days and the mayor and common core and whatever else, are insanely annoying.

thanks Ryan, i will.

sochi, soNO

i can not support nbc's decision to air the olympics. i can not support the olympic committee who decided that sochi would be an ideal place for the olympics, when the olympics "bring the world together". (nbc, you should be embarrassed that this is a tagline on your commercial for these games)
i feel horrible for homosexual (there are 6 openly gay athletes competing this year), heterosexual, bisexual, ALL athletes in this years olympics. ALL of them have to go to a country, where security is a very present concern. where we dont know if "russia will have sufficient security to host the upcoming winter olympics in sochi given an unwillingness to fully work with other countries, and particularly the U.S., as they prepare for the games" (thanks cbs for this info). an UNWILLINGNESS? i'm pretty sure sochi needs to host the olympics, more than the olympics needed to take place in sochi.

the fact that some athletes, whom are openly gay, had to tell their families to stay home, that it would be safer; locked down my decision to not watch. an athlete works their entire fucking life to compete at an olympian level. and then because they like to kiss or love or spend their life with someone of the same sex, they need to tell their families to stay home! watch my dream come true from a television, don't partake in this life changing moment with me, its fine (NOT). and then said family has to sit home, with a knot in their stomach, praying to god that their loved one returns home safe. (at least physically safe, im sure anyone partaking in the sochi olympics, whether gay or not, will leave these games with some sort of emotional scar.)

it was rumored that some countries were going to carry out gay pride flags during the opening ceremonies. i seriously hope they do, but then again i hope they dont. i hope they do so it will serve as a big FUCK YOU to putin. but i hope they dont, in fear that something awful and unnecessary will happen. even if they dont carry the flags, im sure the mens figure skating will be enough to make putin squirm in his egotistical, small minded, shit for brains, chair.

what i can support is european union commissioner viviane reding in her boycott of the games. i can support german president joachim gauck and french president francois hollande and their decision to not attend the games (although not an official boycott, its a stand). i can definitely support our president, barack obama and his decision to not attend either (he also named billie jean king, an openly gay former athlete, as the white house delegate for the olympics, a little added gem).

i wish nothing but luck and love for any athlete competing in this years olympics (unless you are an asshole and completely agree with putin and his policies or the fact that sochi was killing dogs to make room for the olympics or the fact that the climate there isnt really sufficient for snow, so we had a legitimate excuse NOT to host there, or that theyre putting reporters into appalling living conditions--is that enough?!). i understand how for some of the athletes the decision to boycott may have been a thought, but you deserve to compete. this is your life, the decisions of the country you have to compete in, are not yours. just be safe, win/lose, and get the fuck out of russia.

http://prollytrue.blogspot.com/2014/02/sochi-sono.html

early 2000's tv

OTH ( meant to be said like OMG). i am slightly late, ok 2 years late. but whatevs. i just finished the 9 glorious seasons of one tree hill (in just about 6 weeks, don't judge me). why dont they make shows like this anymore? just regular people, no vampires or witches or anything. just regular people, going through regular things, in spectacular ways. had i watched this show in high school when it actually aired, i may have never gotten married. because my expectation of love watching naley (nathan and haley, i die) would've been so ridiculous.

i was a nathan fan from day 1. even when he was a little turd. he was still so cute, in that bad boy a*hole way. but watching their love story develop and grow, along with their family. amazeballs. chad michael murray was annoying, and whiney. if you were a fan of him, gross.too emotional. he thought too much, nathan just acted. also, no one will ever love you or me as much as nathan loves haley. 

dead.

there are no shows on tv right now like the ones from the late 90's early 2000's. the teen dramas. gossip girl, gillmore girls, one tree hill, dawsons creek. NONE. name me one! and its sad. there are no cult classics for teens anymore. and it makes me sad. but thankfully there is netflix to fix that. although, they may find some of the fashions weird, platform sandals and halter tops. so cool, i die!

i highly recommend to anyone, in their mid twenties, to go back and watch any of these shows. they were called feel good shows for a reason. they make you feel good! watching OTH i literally felt good, cried, laughed. everything. it was an emotional roller coaster that i am glad to say i got right back on (so fucking lame). 

i think when i have kids ill continue my no cable living. just showing them the classics netflix has to offer. they will never learn the same life lessons they can from dawsons creek as compared to say, vampire diaries. unless of course your child is a vampire, then by all means, proceed. the set up is always the same, but always works. popular cheerlearders/jocks vs nerdy book kids. they somehow form an alliance and their worlds cross and they unite the school, fuck they unite the whole town (which is always small and so cute).

get on the early 2000 teen drama bandwagon. youll love it.

jay-z with my mom

this christmas i received what every white, middle class, mid-twenty year could hope for. jay-z tickets to the magna carter world tour at the barclays center. not only that, my mom bought them for me and accompanied me. it was amaze balls. but first, let's recap our journey to get there.

we (my mother, myself, and my hipster sister cassandra all patrons of the concert) decided to go down to atlantic avenue early so we could eat before the show. we said we'd leave at 6, eat, and make it perfectly for the concert that started at 8. (cassandra will later say she was never part of this conversation, but she was) mom has an obsession with the marriott and wanted to eat there, which was fine with me (until we also discovered just how far apart the 2 locations were).

the day of the concert i wake up, watch some one tree hill, fry chicken cutlets for phils lunch, shower, and get dressed. it's now 5pm and i tell phil to drive me to my mothers. he doesnt understand why i need to go to her house an hour early, but i explain that they will need a fire under their asses to get moving. sure enough, i get there and my moms on the computer and cassandra is m.i.a.

mom gets ready in record timing, but we still have no idea where cassandra is, and shes left her phone at home (the steam is rising in my body at this point) at 615 i am convinced we are skipping dinner and will have to now wait for her to arrive, whenever that may be, and just head to the concert. at 630, she graces us with her presence. SHE'S NOT EVEN DRESSED. at least she was showered, so it cut her getting ready time in half (which was fine because mom was in the kitchen frying eggs for the dogs anyway).

we get into the car and i tell my mom to take flatbush, the obvious route to the barclays. she insists that shed prefer to take the belt to the bqe to the atlantic ave exit, to avoid stop and go on flatbush. i dont get it, but we drive on. were on the belt for about 30 seconds when we hit a hole that must've been formed from an asteroid hitting earth. this was immediately followed by 3 smaller holes. as we slow down and realize the tire is losing air quickly i notice 7 cars pulled over, all changing their tires. RIDIC. we get off by clementes and have 2 options. call AAA or call someone to help us. (keep in mind we're already running late and these two momos still want to eat) i call phil, who was probably just setting himself up to watch a movie. he comes and changes the tire all in good time. its about 730, we venture on.

we park on dean street and they see a diner. its too close to show time, and i let them know, that if i miss him coming on stage, i will kill them. they didn't seem alarmed as we ended up eating in the diner across the street. i thought itd be better to use the bathroom here than in the barclays. to get to the bathroom you had to go into the basement (that had an unusually short ceiling), through a storm door, and a small hallway. i went quickly before this night turned into the opening scene of an SVU episode.

we walk the 4 blocks to the barclays and its about 830. this was my first time there. its a pretty awesome venue. so brooklyn. once we were in the building i felt better. we got our drinks and headed for our seats. 45 minutes later (yes at 930) jay comes on stage, and the rest is history.

what a fucking show. honestly. its just such a good vibe. like partying with thousands of people who are relating to the music in different ways, but appreciating it all the same. an hour and a half later it was over. my 6th (must be 6 by now) jay-z concert had finished. for a night that started off with uncertainty, it surely ended up big pimpin' (see what i did right there).

baby its cold outside

i know, i know. i haven't written since christmas eve and you're all freaking out thinking i ended my blogging days. but have no fear, i am back. i've just been busy, you know, keeping up with my summer 05' sleeping schedule. oh you don't know what that is? that's when you go to sleep at 5am and wake up at 2pm. i basically had 2 weeks off of work, and it was glorious. but yesterday i returned. and to be honest, was too damn down to write anything. the monday after being off for 2 weeks is a really sensitive time in a persons life. i was teetering on homicidal/suicidal. but now that it has come and gone, i feel back in the swing of things again. (is that a good thing? being in the swing of things?...i digress)

i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas (yes i'll say christmas on here, it's my page)! i say chrstimas because i refuse to say 'holiday'. we all know what i'm talking about. and it's not x-mas, how lazy are you? i also hope everyone rang in the new year with someone they love. whether it be family, friends, or an actual lover. 

i don't know why people on facebook get so mad when someone makes a status about the weather. obviously you can look out your window and tell its snowing, but maybe im just writing about it because im so excited. or maybe you dont know its 103 degrees out because you havent stepped outside yet, so youre welcome! they actually waste their time writing an anti-weather status, thus drawing more attention to the weather they so desperately wanted to ignore.


so today is freezing out eh? no but for real, its 7 degrees and the windchill makes it feel like 12 degrees below zero. we are literally in a polar vortex. A POLAR VORTEX. (has my second dream come true and my life is actually a movie?) i almost expect to walk outside and see chinese tourists frozen in their places with their cameras pointed at the freedom tower. 

my legs were literally burning this morning walking to the bus. i also managed to get a brain freeze just from walking against the wind. i immediately thought of my survival skills and how if i got lost in the woods in the middle of winter, id definitely die quickly. i also thought about how freezing to death must be horribly painful. then i thought maybe freezing to death wouldn't be so bad if it meant i could stop walking and not go to work. but i kept walking, didnt freeze to death, and am here. anticipating the cold wait for the bus after dark tonight.

the bus was a pleasant safe haven today. i mean dont get me wrong, the MTA still sucks dick. BUT the bus was perfectly toasty with a side of quiet. i often sleep more soundly on the bus than in my own bed. go figure. 

the nightmare before christmas

 i've previously mentioned that i love christmas. adore it. this time of year is magical. you watch movies like home alone 2, elf, miracle on 34th street, and they all make nyc look perfect during christmas. and ive subscribed to this for years.

yes you expect nyc to be a certain kind of crowded. you are never going to be standing in rockefeller center alone like kevin, talking to the tree. however, what i experienced on saturday was something like i never imagined. it was less home alone 2, more titanic.

women and children first to see the tree!

phil hates the city. and ive been mentioning that all i wanted to do was see the tree with him at least once and do a christmassy themed day. he surprised me by saying he was up for it and we could do whatever i wanted (score)!

we started our adventure on 34th street by macys. there was a crowd by the window that made it impossible to fully appreciate the story the windows were telling. but the small glimpses i saw were pretty magical. maybe saks 5th ave is on to something by creating an actual line to view the windows? or maybe thats just ridiculous too.

we walked over to bryant park next. you could barely weave through the crowds and around the shoppes lined up. as usual the free skating line was about a 4 hour wait. phil saw the tree there and i told him to just wait until we got to rockefeller, it was so much better.

we ventured up 5th avenue towards the tree and i decided that i didnt want to stop and look at the tree because it was still day light, so it better that we eat first. we ate on 51st street between 5th and 6th (only 2.5 blocks from the tree). when we were done, we walked outside and headed towards the tree. this is when my life became titanic (and there was no leonardo dicaprio to save me).

what do you mean the tree is still a block away?

the crowd was something like ive never seen. thousands of people squished onto the sidewalk. women with strollers and newborns, fathers with toddlers on their shoulders, foreigners trying to lead groups of people in both directions. it was awful, but we eventually got close enough to the tree to ask someone to take a decent picture. on our way out of the madness is when it got, quite frankly, horrifying.

our first, and probably only picture with this tree.

there was this one woman wheeling her daughter (and honestly, strollers should be banned by the tree during christmas week, it is not only dangerous, but really impossible to move around and your 3 month old does not need to see the tree), the kid couldn't have been more than 4 months old. and the crowd started pushing (the type of push that happens at a general admission concert when you have to plant your feet and stick your ass out so no one topples over you). this woman lost it. she said, and i quote "if anyone of ya'll hit my daughter i'm gonna fucking punch you in the face. but if i punch you i'll be considered ghetto, right? fuck you all just back the fuck up! and i lost my god damn man too!" i knew we were headed for trouble.

this picture doesn't do the crowd justice.

next, a woman literally body checks phil (lady the rangers are playing a few blocks over, this is not a hockey game). i had to refocus him and tell him that we needed to get out of the crowd. kids were literally crying, telling their parents they were scared. i saw a girl on her dads shoulders just crying saying she hated the tree. i heard a women yell "i have a child" (similar to billy zane when he tries to get on the women and children only life boat). cursing, crying, screaming, hate for all man kind - the things christmas movies are based off of, right?

after we saw the saks 5th ave light display about 10 times, we were finally ONE BLOCK further. we cut up a side street to try and avoid some crowds, and it sorta worked. but they eventually caught up to us again. i looked across the street and saw a police officer on HORSEBACK. as if this situation wasn't dangerous enough, let's throw a horse into the mix.

fucking horse.

we obviously made it home safe, but it was a christmas nightmare. my recommendation would be to not go on a weekend, maybe avoid nighttime altogether, maybe just watch it on tv. the tree is lit for 24 hours on christmas. maybe if you go at 3am to see the tree you can have your kevin mccallister moment. thats my next plan anyway.

he is alone. this is a lie.

merry christmas ya filthy animals!

http://prollytrue.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-nightmare-before-christmas.html